One of the things I hear a lot of time from people is that they don’t really know what they want out of life. In fact, not only do they have no idea, they often misrepresent what they want with thoughts and ideas that are vague and unclear.
Fundamentally what you focus on in life is what you get. If you’ve ever sat down and wondered why you are, where you are in life, I would always say to you,
“it’s because you wanted to be where you are in that moment of time”.
If you wanted something else, or to be somewhere else enough, you’d be there.
What should be understood is that the causes of where you are might well be from inaction rather than action, and often times people end up in a situation because they did not want the better option as it required more energy and they did not want to expend the energy to get there.
Hence they are left where they are.
Being absolutely clear in your life and being totally honest with yourself is one of the first steps you must take in order to get some direction as to what you are trying to achieve in your life. Even if that motive is for fun, wouldn’t you like to be more clear as to what fun to have, and then have a plan and a way to achieve it, and get even more than you bargained for?
So how do you know what you really want in life?
You should know by discovering your core values in life. These are your true indicators of what you are seeking for in your existence. It could be that you value a healthy family life full of security and love. Or perhaps you value massive achievement. Whatever you value, it must be clearly stated and easy to reduce to a simple sentence.
I’ve always considered your values to be like a rubber band that pulls you towards your goals. When your goals align clearly with your values, that’s when you create incredible momentum towards what you want. It acts like an emotional passion driver which energises your thoughts to move in a positive and forward direction towards that which means the most to your core.
At this stage, it’s necessary for me to point out also that you must at all times be totally honest with yourself about what you are seeking. We have all been in a position where sometimes our minds even fool our own selves. Believing in something that has been a totally fabrication in our heads.
I knew a lady once who wasn’t the brightest of sparks,
but had a good heart and worked some steady good earning jobs. Everything on the surface looked just fine, but she had always been in terrible relationships and had been single for many years. I asked her whether she had a good strategy for meeting and deciding on people and when we talked about it all, she revealed that what she was really after was a nice honest man whom she could trust. Furthermore, she wanted to have a family, and this had been something that in the past, she wouldn’t not readily admit to.
In fact, in her mind, she was terribly conflicted between the mindset of someone who is looking for a good solid relationship, and the mindset of someone just out looking for fun. She couldn’t be totally honest with herself and actually say it in her own mind about what she truly wanted. It was partly out of fear that she would leave both options open, as in her mind, having multiple dating options meant that she could ultimately choose, but as a result, it also meant she would never give anyone a chance of commitment and love, ultimately leaving her leading a mostly single life.
Once this realisation came to being, I asked her to spend some time being totally honest with her intentions for a period of about 2 months and just to see how things happened. That shift alone, opened her eyes to new possibilities. All that seemed to be required was a slight kick in the butt and a healthy dose of honesty!
So, story aside, we’ve all had moments when even in our conscious minds we are trying to fool ourselves, it is in these times we must take control and exercise our values to realign our mindset and place it in the right mood.
Today I leave you with a classic Billy Joel track “Honesty”